The Reason For Me
by ObsessedKitsune
Summary: Dan was immature and overdramatic. He hated everyone, his parents, his friends. They always had more fun without him and wouldn't let him join in. So, starting at a young age he distanced himself, became mute. What happens when a boy named Phil helps him at his most vulnerable? Multi-chaptered. Cussing!
1. Chapter 1

When Dan had been young he had had no one. Of course he had his parents, but they payed more attention to his brother. He also had his friends but he was always the one being left out. Hearing of the birthday parties they had been at, the awesome times they had. Their painted smiles stuck with him as he cringed. Why? Whispered words in the dark that no one heard. Why couldn't he just have someone care for him as deeply as he knew he could care for them.

So he hid within himself. If they weren't going to care for him what was the use of even trying with them. He began lashing out, spitting out insults and hearing the screams of "Go to your room, you are grounded!" When all he wanted was attention. He retaliated with sneaking out and leaving for the forest near his house. He smirked to himself, when he came back they would have to pay attention to him. Would have to have noticed he was gone. So he came back at night, when hours had faded away and came upon the window.

His whole world zeroed in to one single point. One happy family laughing and watching a movie. Genuine smiles and hearty laughs. He couldn't even feel the tears. He was numb with shock. They didn't care...they were happier when he wasn't there...they hadn't even noticed him missing…

Sprinting to the front of the house, his heart beating madly he raced up to his room, not even hearing the confused, "Dan..?" that followed. This incident just fueled his anger more. He began slacking at school. Hiding in the back of the classroom, ignoring his so called "friends". Obviously if his family didn't even care for him why would his friends who had never actually wanted to talk to him in the first place.

His teachers yelled and his parents screamed but still he remained silent. Staring rebelliously at them. He lifted his chin up haughtily and all he got was a frustrated hmpth and a sharp sting on his cheek.

When he got to middle school this behavior continued but he began to feel lonely. The anger drifting away to be replaced by cold envy. Everyone else was having so much fun and he was sat in the background. He wished for a change. He wanted a friend. One single friend. So he stood up and immediately sat back down. His heart was beating heavily and cold sweat appeared on his forehead.

How was he supposed to do it? How do you make friends? He had forgotten how to converse with people. He opened his mouth and his vocal cords strained in his throat. Had he...had he perhaps forgotten how to speak as well. Pushing his chair back with a thud he ran from the room, tears in his eyes.

He was such a failure! He couldn't even remember one simple thing as how to speak! He was worse even than a child! Reaching the bathroom he sunk down against the wall and pushed his head into his arms, choking noises escaping from his mouth. He hadn't meant to get this bad! All he wanted was someone to care for him. So caught up in his misery was he that he didn't even notice the sound of a voice until it was right near his ear. "Hey, are you okay?"

He looked up into the eyes of the black haired boy that always had a hoard of people around him. He opened his mouth and pointed to his throat, trying to communicate that he couldn't speak. The guy nodded and smiled gently, "I understand, I have an aunt who is mute as well."

Dan's eyes lit up and he glanced eagerly at the boy, someone understood! The guy giggled and Dan blushed, turning his head to the side as a way of hiding. The boy tilted his head to the side and beamed at him "Don't move your head, I think you're cute!"

Dan later learned the guy's name was Phil. Phil had seen Dan looking frustrated and had become worried. Dan tried not to be too happy at that, but he couldn't help it! Someone was giving him attention! Phil had then followed Dan and had decided in that moment that Dan needed a friend. So Phil took it upon himself to become Dan's friend.

After about a month of them being friends Dan began talking again but only to Phil. When Phil noticed this his eyes gleamed and he smiled so wide that his cheeks cracked.

Dan couldn't help but be really happy, because not only was Phil his friend, but he spent every waking moment with Dan. They walked home together, had sleepovers, and they ate lunch together every day at school. Phil's friends were confused and sometimes tried to talk to Phil. Phil for a reason Dan couldn't understand always blew them off. When Dan inquired about it Phil just shrugged, "The only friend I need is you Dan."

Dan thought the gleam in his eye was a little weird but he ignored it. Finally he had his wish. He had a friend who actually cared about him.

A friend who put him first and didn't leave him to wilt in the background. After that day things began to get weird. They were having a normal sleepover and Dan's mother was mad (as she was every time) because he hadn't asked her first. This time...this time she took it too far and screamed at him, even though Phil was in the house. He ignored her and pulled Phil up the stairs by his sleeve.

When they reached his room they both collapsed to the ground, Dan mumbling curses. "Who does she think she is!?" He snarled, balling his hands into fists, "she spends my childhood years treating me like a speck of fucking dust, and now she decides to fu-"

He cut off as Phil wrapped his arms around him, burying his nose in Dan's neck. Dan shivered, his eyes widening.

"Dan, its ok." Phil trailed off, lifting his face to look into dan's eyes. It made him breathless, the pure look of _love _in Phil's eyes stopped his heart and he couldn't stop staring. "Its ok...because..you only need me, right?"

Dan shivered as he noticed Phil's eyes fill with that strange gleam. The one he had seen when they were only children. He couldn't help the apprehensions that filled his mind, but he shook them away. No, this was Phil. He trusted Phil. Slightly dazed by the pure emotions residing within Phil's blue eyes, Dan nodded his head. Words frozen in the back of his throat.

Then Phil beamed. Dan breathed out a sigh, his eyes fluttering and his back laying heavily against the wall. Thats right, this was Phil…

He could feel Phil's weight as Phil settled beside Dan, his arms wrapping around Dan's shoulders and drawing him closer…

Their relationship progressed as they moved through their high school year. Since they were older, they had more of a touchy feely relationship. They did a lot of things in public that most saw as despicable. Only since they were seen as gay. Though Dan knew he would love Phil no matter what gender, so he didn't really consider himself to be gay. Dan also knew they were seen as weird, though he couldn't tell why. It was heard in the whispers in the hallways. The sideways glances that were always shown their way. It was even seen in the way everyone avoided them. But he was in love, and didn't really care.

He wasn't about to give up Phil, someone who loved him whole-heartedly, for someone who would probably leave him in a heartbeat.

Sitting in the one class that Dan didn't share with Phil, he sighed. He could feel the emptiness beside him. These were the times he wished for a separate friend, one that could fill the emptiness.

"Hey…" Maybe he could ask for a schedule change? It was just one class. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, right?

"Hey…" Hmmm, but he supposed Phil's classes could be harder. It was worth it though, right? Being closer to Phil.

"HEY!" A sharp edge was jammed into his spine and Dan jumped, a startled squeak erupting from his mouth, as his hand jumped to the place he had been jabbed.

He turned his eyes, a red flush present on his cheeks. "What the hell did you just do?!" Dan hissed, his eyes burning.

The guy laughed, good heartedly. "Dude, you didn't notice me saying hey, so I just thought I could get your attention this way." The guy grinned, "And it seems it worked, right?"

Dan's eyes that had been jumping across the room trying to see if anyone had noticed, and save for the narrowed eyes from the teacher no one had noticed, returned to rest on the dark haired boy sitting next to him.

"Anyway, I was just thinking," the guy said, "and I mean, you don't seem to have any other friends, besides that black haired boy thats obsessed with hamsters," the guy took no notice of the glare that Dan shot his way at the insult to Phil, "I was thinking you would come over to my house today."

Dan's eyes widened a bit. That...was actually a bit unexpected. He had never actually been invited to someone's house before, well besides Phil but Phil was different. Phil was his love. He shrugged, squashing all doubts to the back of his mind. Phil wouldn't care and he really did want a friend..

"Fine." The words came out and the guy, Chris, laughed. "Great!"

Dan didn't know. He didn't know. He could never even imagine how bad of a decision that had been.

Dan perched awkwardly on the side of Chris's bed, his mouth dry. He had never been to a friend's house before and he cursed himself for behaving so uncool, but he couldn't help it. His hand jumped to his heart where he clasped it, his heart beating through the palm. He felt like it would literally jump out of his chest at any moment.

"Dude, relax. Its not like I'm gonna bite you or anything." Chris said jokingly, as he jumped up on the bed, causing Dan to bounce. Rolling until he was near the headboard, Chris shrugged out his shoulders and splayed his legs out, seemingly not caring that he had a guest.

Dan inched away, feeling uncomfortable by the close proximity. Chris laughed a little, "Dude, you really need to lighten up. I feel like I'm the only one having fun around here."

Dan narrowed his eyes a bit. Was this what a friendship was like? Because Dan was honestly not having fun at this current point in time.

"Anyway," Chris drawled, "I was just wondering, and...why is it exactly that you and Hamster boy hang out all the time."

Dan growled a little, "He has a fucking name, and it is not Hamster boy."

Laughing slightly, Chris shifted, throwing his arms up awkwardly as if they were a shield. "Ok, ok. Why is it you and _Phil_ spend all your time together?"

Dan didn't even hesitate, "Because we love eachother."

Chris's eyes widened a fraction. "No shit. You like actually love eachother?"

Dan shifted himself so he was facing Chris, and pulled his legs in. "Well...yeah. I mean I thought everyone knew we were dating.."

"Well we did. Its not hard to guess mate, but you guys are like all over eachother. How long you been together?"

A flush settled over Dan's cheeks and he tilted his head a bit to the side, "Since middle school," he mumbled.

Chris sat up abruptly, "Woah, hold up!" Dan paused, confusion settling over his features. Why did Chris suddenly seem so surprised..?

"You guys have been locking lips since middle school," Dan blushed a bit, "and you are still in the cupcake happy happy, I don't need anyone else phase?"

"What do you mean?" Dan couldn't keep the words from leaving his mouth. He was curious. Maybe. Maybe he would finally figure out why everyone looked at him and Phil weird.

"Well, don't take this the wrong way, but…" Chris trailed off, for once looking uncomfortable and awkward, scratching the back of his neck Chris continued, "But uhm. Isn't it the slightest bit weird that you always hang out with Phil? That you never, uh, hang out with anyone else or maybe spend time with your family?"

At the mention of family, Dan's entire demeanor changed. He sat ramrod straight and stared Chris in the eye, his eyes flaming. "Family!" He sneered, his mouth curling in disgust, "My family has never given two shits about me! I saw them! I saw them, happier without me!"

Chris shrunk back, shaking his hair in front of his face, "Ok, so no family. Uhm may I ask, how do you...actually know they hate you?"

Dan startled, his eyes widening slightly, "What?"

Chris continued, seeming more confident now that Dan had stopped screaming. "I mean how do you know they hate you? Have they ever beat you, hurt you, you know showed they don't care?"

"They've slapped me…" he mumbled.

"Ohh, yeah thats bad." Chris chewed his lip thoughtfully, "What about other friends?"

Dan lowered his eyes, surprised by how embarrassed he felt. His silence seemed answer enough and Chris nodded his head thoughtfully.

"So you latch onto Phil because thats who you feel most comfortable around?"

Dan's face darkened again. "What do you mean I latch onto Phil?! Are you trying to say that I only hang around with him because he gives me something I need?"

Standing quickly off the bed, Dan turned to face Chris, who seemed to be stunned into silence at Dan's sudden mood change. "Because if that is what you are saying Chris," he sneered, feeling his blood roaring through his veins, "you are fucking wrong. I love Phil! Just because you think because of some traumatic experiences I can't feel love for someone as perfect as Phil then you are wrong!"

Throwing a backwards glare at Chris, Dan stalked off. But the words nagged at the back of his mind. Was it weird for him and Phil to spend so much time together? Was he latching onto Phil because Phil was nice to him?

No. He couldn't be latching onto Phil. He loved-

Black.

Pain.

Numbness.


	2. Chapter 2

Dan shifted, his eyelids fluttering. He frowned and shifted again. What the-

He repeated the shifting and finally flinched as he realized what he was feeling. He could feel both hands scraping against each other (and because Phil preferred him with nails he could already feel tiny beads of blood dripping from them). He could also feel a rope, it chafed his skin and he pulled. He cursed when he realized how tightly he was bound.

The way he was bound was slightly familiar though, but due to his current predicament, he decided to shove that to the side.

He shifted a little more and felt a comfortable softness against his back and lower body, so obviously he wasn't tied to a _chair._ Which, made it a little more bearable. At least he wasn't in a cliche kidnapping movie.

He jerked upwards when the word "kidnapping" flew through his mind. Oh fuc-

No. Oh fuck no. He _was _in a cliche kidnapping movie.

He could see it now, the kidnapper would sell him to the sex auction. The kidnapper might even rape him first. He whimpered, huddling deeper into the soft blankets that lay under him.

"Dan…" Dan started. His name was said with such pain and sadness. Such grief that he could feel his heart give a painful beat. He knew who it was…

The pieces fell into place, the bed. The bound wrists that felt so familiar, even the scent that he hadn't noticed until now.

It was a spicy, masculine scent. He relaxed a little, recognizing Phil. No matter what, he trusted Phil. No...matter..what.

Though the question still rang through his head and there was still a sharp pain. The scent of Phil's room mixed with the faint coppery smell of the few drops of blood flooded Dan's senses. It smelt like...it smelt...like...betrayal.

All he could see was darkness but he could feel black spots dancing along his consciousness.

"Dan!" Phil moved even closer, and his hand lowered down on Dan's leg. Dan flinched, a low whimper escaping through his lips. He could feel Phil's hesitation and he berated himself. What was he doing? Phil was his love. Phil would never hurt him. This couldn't have been Phil who knocked him out...right?

"Phil…." Dan trailed off, his voice coming out far too hesitant. Lacking his normal flame and sass.

"Yeah!" Phil said, his voice sounding way too excited, as if he were relieved to find Dan was still talking to him.

"What am I doing here?"

Phil didn't talk. Dan could hear the silence of the room and he could feel the tense atmosphere. Even though he was blindfolded he could still guess at what Phil was looking like right now. His fists clenched and his back straightened. The image caused Dan to tense.

"Ph-?"

"I did it, ok-"

"What do you mean, P-"

"-I hurt you, Dan! I slammed a bottle against the side of your head and I hurt you!"

Dan's heart stopped and he froze. What- No- not the person he trusted. Not his love. Tears made a silent trek down his face and a choked sob left his mouth.

"Why…" The word was broken and it seemed to fade into the air. Its thin sound breaking and shattering into a million tiny pieces.

"I couldn't stand it…" The voice was a whisper and Dan strained to hear it. "I couldn't stand the thought of you talking to that boy!"

Dan froze even more. _That boy….Could he by any chance mean Chris…? _He shook his head rapidly, _no. This couldn't be because Dan had hung out with Chris. Phil wasn't like this...Phil wasn't this possessive, right?_

"I waited for you Dan! After school I waited for you! I waited for 3 hours! 3 hours, _Dan!" _His name was said with such grief, such hurt, that Dan flinched and huddled even deeper into the blanket. His bound arms and legs shaking.

"And while I was waiting...what were _you doing_?!" He continued, voice steadily growing in volume and Dan could feel. Could feel Phil's emotions trembling through his voice. Making his voice crack and break.

"You were speaking with some guy!"

_But we were just talking….we were just...talking. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted a friend. _Tears began a silent trek down his cheeks, and burned his eyes. _I didn't want to ever make you feel sad. I love you...I would never do anything to hurt you. But why? Why would you hurt me..?_

"Why…" His voice broke and a choked sob escaped his lips, "Why...does that mean you have to hurt me? I never...I never did anything...I just wanted a friend."

Dan could tell instantly what he had said was wrong. Phil's hand that had settled on Dan's leg tightened and Dan whimpered. Pain stinging from where his hand grasped. It continued tightening and Phil's voice was strained when he talked.

"You wanted a _friend! You wanted a fucking friend!" _Phil's hand traveled up his leg before finally settling on his hip and there it tightened even more. Dan cried out, his back arching as pain traveled up his spine. His hip was more sensitive than his leg, and the pain was so intense.

"_I gave up everyone for you! Everyone!"_

The pain grew more intense and Dan couldn't help the pain from erupting in the form of a few words. "I didn't ask you to! I never wanted you to! I never wanted you to focus _fully _on me!"

"Yes! Yes, I wanted attention! Of course, I wanted attention, but I never...I never wanted to be forced to be around someone 24/7!"

"_Forced! What do you mean forced! You were happy, you said so yourself!_" But Dan could hear the wavering in Phil's voice. The confusion.

"I wanted a friend. But I wanted you too." Dan's voice was gentle, more confident. So, Phil was doing this because he thought this was what Dan wanted. He smiled softly.

"No..Dan." Dan started, _what?_ Phil's voice was soft, but it wasn't gentle. "You can't have both... I _want_. I want your full attention. I want everything you are. I want to be the one to break you! To hold you and mend you! And I want every. Single. Part. of you."

_Phil…?_

_What do you mean...Phil…?_

_I don't...understand…?_

_I thought…_

_I thought...you were doing this because this is what you thought I wanted…_

_And in that moment_

_Dan remembered_

_Ever gleam in Phil's eyes_

_Everything Phil had given Dan...the way Phil held him_

"_All you need is me, right?"_

_Phil was possessive and he only wanted Dan…_

_He would do anything. Anything to make it so Dan would only want him_

_Dan wanted to have someone who cared for him. Dan wanted someone who didn't care for anyone else more than him. This was different. It was overwhelming and too much. And as Phil claimed him and whispered insults and then caring words into his ears. Dan's eyes deadened and he said…_

"_Yes. I only need you…"_


End file.
